What happens when you end up so deeply involved in something that started so long ago?

Shortly after my 19th birthday and during an already emotionally heightened period, I stumbled upon a few hundred thousand dollars in my trading account; honestly, by sheer luck, but now I know mostly out of fate.

This sent my mind into another realm. I hated university, I hated being a student, I hated being 'like everyone else,' and most of all I think I hated not living up to the internal 'potential' that had always sat inside of me.

All I knew was that I was going to drop out; I had no further plans. My first encounter with money really got to my head; I began to self-isolate, deemed myself more important than others, and told myself I was going to do whatever I needed to make millions and 'make it.'

Over the rest of 2024, I not only lost every dollar I made but also took on loans from friends, family, and financial institutions — on top of being in a load of student debt. I was living back home with my parents, totally alone and distanced from all my close peers; I felt totally lost and completely out of touch. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and I couldn't look my father in the eyes without feelings of guilt, shame, and disappointment overwhelming me. I was a failure.

I had lied to everyone around me, and most importantly, I had lied to myself.

Taking accountability for myself and relentlessly pursuing development allowed me to hit rock bottom and form a base; although I didn't have much 'support,' to be honest, considering I was all alone and no one even knew about my problems, I still have two people to thank for them being there — my father and God.

I learned what it meant to go through a horrible period. When you center your identity, purpose, and life's 'success' on any one metric — any score below outstanding is a strike at your soul — mine was shattered.

In 2025 I gained my footing and miraculously ended up in a position to clear all my financial obligations... and then some. Markets, trading, and self-employment have taught me so much about myself, life, and what is truly important.

I learned that I should strive for humility, honesty, kindness, love towards others, and that nothing replaces a grueling work ethic. I am young and still fall so short, but at least I try and at least I am a little bit better than I used to be — maybe that's all that counts?

Perhaps the single most important understanding I have come to is how crucial God has become within me. When I think back to my absolute saddest moments — In person I was all alone — but truthfully it never felt that way; I was cradled and guided from within.

I never really have any control of my path, and so I have been trying to surrender it completely.

Today, in April 2026, I still face many of the same burdens I did before — but things are different now — I am not the same person, and my pursuits are not what they used to be.

We enter a point of no return. Experience leads us to abandon our old ways — perhaps there is both a beauty and a sadness in that. Every journey starts with a goal, but maybe the ones truly worth pursuing morph into a path rather than a goal.